Memorable quotes for
"Law & Order" (1990) More at IMDb Pro »

[Opening narration]
Narrator: In the criminal justice system, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: the police, who investigate crime; and the district attorneys, who prosecute the offenders. These are their stories.

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Ben Stone: Better to light a match than curse the darkness.
Adam Schiff: Be careful you don't light a fuse.

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Jamie Ross: Killers are protected by the church, the law says two people can fire the same bullet and now the victim's mom forgives the murderer. You figure it out.
Jack McCoy: You don't think you could?
Jamie Ross: Forgive him? No.
Jack McCoy: Neither could I. What does that say about us?

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Detective Rivera: You know, McCoy, you wanna put the bad guys behind bars you have to get your hands dirty.
Jack McCoy: The problem is, detective, sometimes it doesn't stop at the hands.

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Adam Schiff: You got around double jeopardy. You climbed Everest in your shorts. On a cold day.

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Det. Lennie Briscoe: I specifically asked for him to be put on suicide watch. Apparently here at Riker's that mean that they watch you commit suicide.

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Danielle Melnick: You turning soft on me, Jack?
Jack McCoy: You know I'm a sucker for an execution. I'm just here for the tortellini.

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Det. Lennie Briscoe: You know, if I didn't already know you don't have kids, I'd know you don't have kids.

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[Rifling through 30-year old evidence]
Det. Lennie Briscoe: I got one word for you, Rey - plastics.

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Adam Schiff: Clarence Darrow had Leopold and Leob, and who do we have?
Jack McCoy: Beavis and Butthead.

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Det. Lennie Briscoe: We got a hit on the fake fur.
Det. Rey Curtis: Yeah, you'll never guess what they make them out of.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Recycled soda bottles. What else did you find out?

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Ben Stone: Although justice must be tempered with mercy, it must still maintain a sense of retribution.

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Ben Stone: The jury should look like society. People that represent the victim as well as the defendant

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Det. Lennie Briscoe: Even though you are a taxpayer, you know, we don't actually work for you personally.

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[Trying to keep a suspect from escaping through a window]
Det. Ed Green: Rock, paper, scissors, gun.

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Emil Skoda: That's just a load of rehearsed crap.

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Jack McCoy: I remember how hard it was when I realized my father was a son of a bitch. I can't imagine what it must be like when you realize you raised one.

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Jack McCoy: You played me, you son of a bitch!

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Det. Lennie Briscoe: I'm trying to decide what to arrest you for - obstruction of justice, harboring a fugitive or just being a general pain in the ass!

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Detective Lennie Briscoe: We had a deal, you son of a bitch!

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Jack McCoy: You son of a bitch! You played me!

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Adam Schiff: You do what you have to do, you're still welcome to my scotch.

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Det. Lennie Briscoe: I want to go to law school so I can learn how to turn gold into lead.

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Det. Lennie Briscoe: I told you, you should have gone to bed with her. You're getting the grief without getting the gravy.

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Jack McCoy: Your grief might seem a little more real had you not just admitted you cut off your wife's head.

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Adam Schiff: ...after twenty years in this office, you'd think you'd have a sense of reality.
Ben Stone: Reality? The reality is that no one is willing to draw a line in the sand. Nobody is willing to say that the law is the law. And if you break it, you will be prosecuted: win, lose or draw.

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Det. Ed Green: If you're going to lie, be creative or we'll get bored.

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Jack McCoy: Are you kidding? Shelly Cates could convince a jury that Jeffrey Dahmer had an eating disorder.

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Jack McCoy: Sometimes you have to make deals with the devil.
Jamie Ross: Just make sure you don't get your eyebrows singed.

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Det. Lennie Briscoe: Boy, I'd hate for somebody to trace me by what I read.
Det. Rey Curtis: You read, Lennie?

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Lt. Anita Van Buren: If he's not Fallon, who the hell is he?
Det. Lennie Briscoe: Well the FBI says he's not in the witness protection program but they mighta had their fingers crossed.

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Witness: It used to be that you honked when somebody cut you off. Now they drag you out of the car, and beat the crap out of you.
Det. Rey Curtis: Why not? Who's gonna stop him? You?

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Jack McCoy: Never get Freudian on a man holding a pickle.

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Lt. Anita Van Buren: Do you believe him?
Det. Lennie Briscoe: I believe on a good day he couldn't hit his ass with both hands.

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Det. Lennie Briscoe: When I was a kid growing up around here, worst thing that could happen was you skinned your knee playing Johnny on the pony.
Det. Rey Curtis: I don't remember my childhood being that rosy.
Det. Lennie Briscoe: When was that, last week?

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Danielle Melnick: Julian Prusse is accused of a crime but that doesn't make him Hannibal Lecter.

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Danielle Melnick: Hello, Jack. Ok, let's talk turkey. What are you up to?... And don't give me that party line about Prusse being a threat to society.
Jack McCoy: When you argue, I have this compulsive need to argue back.

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Lt. Anita Van Buren: So, I heard you went in hot pursuit today.
Det. Ed Green: Yeah. Perp tried to climb out the window.
Lt. Anita Van Buren: I'm surprised you didn't push him.
Det. Ed Green: [pause] Me, too.

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Det. Lennie Briscoe: [in disgust to Det. Ed Green] Ed, I sold my plantation over a century ago.

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Det. Lennie Briscoe: Divorce lawyers... God's way of telling you to stay single.
Det. Rey Curtis: Or married.

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Det. Lennie Briscoe: Love - a dangerous disease instantly cured by marriage.

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ADA Jamie Ross: I believe in monsters and things that go bump in the night, Jack. May they rot in hell, along with their attorneys.

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D.A. Arthur Branch: Sometimes the good you do won't do you any good.

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Adam Schiff: A motive pulled straight from the tabloids. And what about means and opportunity? Are you getting that from comic books?

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EADA Ben Stone: My father wanted me to be a doctor. I took a year of medical school just to please him.
Adam Schiff: What happened?
EADA Ben Stone: I grew up.

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Det. Lennie Briscoe: Just like the Bates Hotel. They check in but they never check out.

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Prof. Norman Rothenberg: What part of double jeopardy don't you understand?
Jack McCoy: I'm well acquainted with it Mr. Rothenberg, and it doesn't scare me.

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[a victim has died, apparently during S&M sex]
Medical Examiner Elizabeth Rodgers: No defensive wounds.
Det. Lennie Briscoe: That's odd.
Medical Examiner Elizabeth Rodgers: Yeah, the fun part for these guys is the struggle AFTER they've been tied up.
[pause]
Medical Examiner Elizabeth Rodgers: Or so I've heard.

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Lt. Anita Van Buren: I'd like it if you two became real partners.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: And I'd like it if my ex-wives got partners. No more alimony.

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Detective Lennie Briscoe: You know, Rey, if you ever left the police department, you could have a hell of a career as an egg timer.

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Lt. Anita Van Buren: I'd better go. I'm late for my daily spanking at One Police Plaza.

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[upon learning that an old gangster had himself killed to frame his cheating young wife and her boyfriend]
DA Branch: Well, I guess it beats dousing yourself in rum and lighting up a Cohiba.

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EADA Jack McCoy: You can re-write the law when you're appointed to the Supreme Court.
D.A. Arthur Branch: God willing.

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ADA Jack McCoy: There comes a time in everyone's political career when you have to expect a couple over easy in the kisser.

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[handcuffing a suspect]
Det. Lennie Briscoe: You've heard of the Seven Rings of Saturn? These are the Two Rings of Riker's.

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ADA Serena Southerlyn: So, her sex life is way better than mine, so what?

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Ben Stone: I'm not the one on trial here, and I'm the one who asks the questions!

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Det. Ed Green: [a suspect, who'd complained of radiating pain in his neck, tries to escape from his apartment; Green goes to apprehend him] That's good, now radiate your ass up against the wall!

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[the driver of a Jaguar has been shot; a carjacking is suspected]
Det. Ed Green: Just give up the car! Man, when are people gonna realize it isn't worth your life?
Det. Lennie Briscoe: Spoken like somebody who's never owned a Jag.

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Det. Rey Curtis: When I filled out my ethnicity, I had to put "Other"...

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Jack McCoy: [waiter brings a drink bought by the defense attorney in the last case] Take it back.
ADA Claire Kincaid: You can't forgive anyone, can you?
Jack McCoy: Nope. Besides, that was bourbon; I'm drinking scotch.

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[about Claire Kincaid's death]
Jack McCoy: You know, before it happened... she wanted to quit. I talked her out of it.
Det. Lennie Briscoe: Yeah, well... I could have kept walking past that bar.

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[looking at a murder victim]
Det. Ed Green: Bare foot, cross painted on her chest. Looks like we're dealing with some religious nut.

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[watching Van Buren and Fontana tear into each other]
Det. Ed Green: Look, we can sit here and argue politics all day long, but there's still gonna be a dead girl in the morgue.

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Medical Examiner Elizabeth Rodgers: I got another body coming in. Guy took a javelin to the chest.
Det. Lennie Briscoe: Why are you still in this line of work?
Medical Examiner Elizabeth Rodgers: Free javelins.

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[phone rings, Rodgers answers]
Medical Examiner Elizabeth Rodgers: Rodgers.
[pause; she hands the phone to Green]
Medical Examiner Elizabeth Rodgers: Your lieutenant.
[Green looks at the receiver but won't touch it]
Det. Ed Green: What's that on the receiver? Brains?
Medical Examiner Elizabeth Rodgers: Egg salad, maybe.
Det. Ed Green: You got another phone?

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[looking at a hospital sign that says "Pediatric Oncology"]
Det. Lennie Briscoe: Now there's two words that should never go together.

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Det. Lennie Briscoe: [Is waiting for McCoy outside a hospital] Did you put iron in your cheerios this morning?.
Jack McCoy: Are you talking to me now?
Det. Lennie Briscoe: Hey, do things our way and we'll talk to you all you want.

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Det. Rey Curtis: Hey, didn't you learn anything from Mister Rogers? A policeman is your best friend.

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ADA Jack McCoy: If that's the way you feel, Danielle, move to suppress.
Danielle Melnick: Right. Judge Logan's gonna rule FISA violates the Fourth Amendment. How many beers have *you* had?

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Jack McCoy: [a judge in L.A. has just ruled to nullify an extradition order] Speak up, Your Honor. There are some people in the Bronx who didn't hear you.

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Jack McCoy: The last time I checked, "Stupid" isn't a defense for murder!

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Det. Rey Curtis: Scientists! If they can do it, they do it. They never think whether they *should* do it.

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Capt. Donald Cragen: What'd he say?
Det. Mike Logan: He told us to go to hell
Capt. Donald Cragen: Well, at least he's got a way with words.

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Ben Stone: I'm a Catholic - I can feel guilty about anything.

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Arraignment judge: Life is beautiful. All God's children are innocent.

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EADA Ben Stone: Mr. Bregman, you are possibly the stupidest criminal I have ever met.

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Adam Schiff: Flipped a coin in my head. Came up tails. Talk to the boy.

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Adam Schiff: People see the devil as an allegory.
ADA Jack McCoy: I'm not so sure I do.
Abbie Carmichael: Horns and a pitchfork, Jack?

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[about gay marriage]
Jack McCoy: Let 'em marry. Why shouldn't they be as miserable as the rest of us?

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Abbie Carmichael: Ugh. Doctors. I can't believe my mother wanted me to marry one.

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Coffee Shop Clerk: [Briscoe and Curtis are investigating the disappearance of a coffee shop owner] He usually likes to keep a close watch on the cash drawer, but he hasn't been around in a couple of days. Anyway, how about a free large latte on the house?
Det. Lennie Briscoe: Maybe for the kid here, but I'd like a regular coffee.
Coffee Shop Clerk: Okay, how would you like it?
Det. Lennie Briscoe: Uh, regular?

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Lt. Anita Van Buren: It wasn't the eighteen floors from the window to the street that killed her, it was the sudden stop.

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[after being led to the body of a slain cop by a confession obtained by a faulty deal]
Det. Lennie Briscoe: Congratulations, you just bought the Brooklyn Bridge from a double murderer.

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Det. Rey Curtis: You're a Catholic.
Jack McCoy: Not at work. Sorry.

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Adam Schiff: What? A mother and son killing each other's spouses. What the heck kind of family is this?
Abbie Carmichael: A dysfunctional one.

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ADA Jack McCoy: Sometimes Lennie Briscoe doesn't hit it out of the park.

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Det. Lennie Briscoe: I don't like to be second guessed!
[referring to Ed Green]
Det. Lennie Briscoe: I've been walking on eggshells the whole time he's been here!

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[to Briscoe after he exited from an interrogation room where there is a young suspect]
Abbie Carmichael: Oh, great. You made her cry.

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Abbie Carmichael: Gentleman, if we can just lower the amount of testosterone...

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ADA Serena Southerlyn: [after being fired] Is this because I'm a lesbian?

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